THOR

I needed sustenance, and Thor brought it. Who knew one of Marvel’s last ditch efforts to establish the founding chronicles of its array of supers, who will soon be appearing in the Avengers, would turn out to be quite possibly one of the best movies of the year. I imagine Kenneth Branagh did. A veteran of royalty interrupted, Branagh’s Shakespearean experience certainly shone through in this Marvel-ous visual event. Expecting to be mesmerized by mythical creatures and Thor’s might alone, I was pleasantly impressed at the amount of depth found in such a superficial myth about a boy and his hammer. Chris Hemmingway’s brawn would, as it should, take backstage to his heartfelt humor and convincing emotion. Played by Hemmingway, Thor is cast out of his home realm Asgard, and stripped of his powers to be found on the measly planet of Earth. But while Thor comes to terms with the mistakes he’s made and what it means to be a man, trouble brews across the galaxy. Hemmingway simply nails the mighty Thunder God. And Natalie Portman didn’t hurt either. :) Hand in hand with Branagh, Thor’s supporting cast lifts its near flawless script to a level of production that’s unprecedented in any Marvel film thus far, and action films in general. All quips and praise aside, Thor’s hammer Mjornir certainly brought the rain as I loved every last minute of Kenneth Branagh’s first, and hopefully far from last, Hollywood effort.  At the request of a close friend, I will summarize my feelings for the magnificence of this film by the less-than-eloquent battle cry of Thor himself: GRAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!  A

Fast Five

For some reason, the juxtaposition of Vin Diesel’s bravado and Paul Walker’s whiny girl voice never seems to stop attracting audiences and honestly, myself. As compacted as a smart-car (which is in the film, but you can’t ever see it because it’s always behind Vin Diesel), this farfetched, loud and shiny chaos of an action movie manages to excite and perhaps even impress you. Undoubtedly one of the best of the franchise, fast five pulls out all the stops with quite literally every single character from the series that is still alive. Brought together by Dom and Brian for one last job that will make them all rich and solve all of their problems, respectively, this rag-tag bunch of attractive, sometimes witty car enthusiasts have to do the impossible: out-MAN Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Filled with a little less racing, and much more everything else, this cheese-fest is sure to keep you entertained with cars, biceps, bikinis, beautiful landscapes and post-credit cameos. And because if you made it all the way to five, what’s one more? Soon to be reviewed: Super (Furious) Six and the Mystery of whatever happened to the Magic School Bus?? Paul and Vinny stole it, raced it, wrecked it and then had a barbecue… I’m hungry. B

Water for Elephants

“The rules of this United States of Suckers do not apply to us.” Did you feel that? A delicious line delivered by Christoph Waltz who crafts one of the more universal and despised villains to ever star on the silver screen. Indeed, the circus movie is back. Along with Reese Witherspoon and Robert Pattinson who had no choice but to elevate their already ascending acting efforts to capture the forbidden, and yet inspiring love affair between the ‘nobody’ Jacob (Pattinson) and Waltz’ character wife Marlena (Witherspoon). Notably, director Francis Lawrence, having progressed from making music videos for Britney “Super (pregnant) (dying) star” Spears and popular acronym JLO, is certainly taking his next step in his film-career as well. Additionally, all of these (if not already, soon to be) first-rate performers have very much heightened a mediocre script based on the novel by Sara Gruen. While the film’s writing is far from unimpressive, it simply cannot convey the intricacy of the characters' romance as well as its source material. But that’s to be expected. What may be unexpected, however, is Pattinson who sure can act when he doesn’t have to wear glitter and say things like “the lion fell in love with a lamb.” Water for Elephants is a sophisticated, passionate tale of two men and their fight for the woman they both claim to love and inescapably a solid, dashing film.  Tag line: Lions, tigers, Robert, oh my! But hey, you can’t blame ‘em for trying to sell the prize pony. (Oddly enough, I don’t think there were any ponies in the film).  B+

Rio

No. No. NO. Okay? Unless you are SO bored or have absolutely nothing else you could possibly be doing, you really don’t need to see it. I suppose it’s meant to hold off the fun-filled animation going crowd until the better halves show up later this summer (Kung Fu Panda 2, Cars 2) and I hear it’s better than Hop. But that’s hard to believe, as Hop at least has Russell Brand and James Marsden. Even Rio’s Jesse Eisenberg couldn’t bring anything to the blue Macaw who never learned to fly. And that’s pretty much the movie right there; bird can’t fly, bird doesn’t have self identity, bird meets girl-bird who can sing and that’s nice, bird is forced to discover self identity in order to prevail against antagonist, love teaches bird to fly. For that, it’s cute at its very best. And Jamie Foxx does sing a fantastic ballad at one point in the film, but the excessive use of the singing talent, or lack thereof, of will.i.am by Blue Sky Studios is not only redundant, but simply drab and once again sinks another animated, O-M-GOSH 3DDD!, ship. Err, boat. I guess we’ll just keep watching the first Ice Age until Blue Sky figures out what exactly they’re doing over there. But until then, Disney/Pixar still reigns, even in South America.  C-

Arthur

In the remake of the 1981 classic, Russell Brand plays Arthur, a drunken billionaire who’s after a light-hearted life of fun and irresponsibility. However, Arthur’s mother has other plans for him, and in order to rein him in, presents him with an ultimatum: marry the abominable wretch Susan (played by the usually delightful Jennifer Garner) or lose his abundant inheritance. But naturally, Arthur has found love elsewhere in the outstanding and adorable Naomi Quinn (Greta Gerwig). Disregarding correlations to the original, because no one cares about originals and ‘to blog’ in the 80s meant something entirely different, Arthur is a wonderful good time. Filled with laughs throughout, shallow but sincere character insights and refreshing life-lessons, Arthur's wit and charm make for a grand ol’ time at the movies. And while Arthur might not change your life, or land you in a coma with sore ribs, it is sure to leave you smiling with a sense of satisfaction and love’s labor’s not lost.  B+

Source Code

Jake Gyllenhaal figured out how to wear facial hair a loooooong time ago. But he’s finally figured out how to lead too. Surprisingly, and pleasantly, Gyllenhaal’s charismatic and believable portrayal of Colter Stevens, an Army helicopter pilot that somehow ends up on a train just before it explodes, intelligently kicks off this summer’s arsenal of blockbusters. And he does it over and over again. Duncan Jones’ clever and cohesive directing makes Source Code one of the better movies I’ve ever seen. Please, see this movie. Everything about it is superb, and it’s in the details. The perfectly placed, poignantly delivered dialogue; the rich visual effects and character development. Without missing a beat, Source Code takes you on a train ride that pretty much beats out every movie like it in years. Having already seen it twice, and much like Inception, it never really makes perfect sense. But hey, life doesn’t make sense and who doesn’t enjoy spending the entire movie on the edge of their seat? Oh, and have I mentioned Jake Gyllenhaal’s facial hair? Win. Indeed, as does Source Code.  A

Sucker Punch

As my first review, I thought I’d take the time to go all the way back to the “barely PG-13,” hit and-entirely-miss graphic novel adaption directed by Zack Snyder to entertain 14-year-old boys. Oh, and everyone else. Sucker Punch opens with an overly dramatic, overly stylized traumatic experience to introduce our protagonist that would pretty much characterize the rest of the film; lots of digital effects and…not much else. First thing’s first; this is not the worst movie ever made. But, it’s close. Stewed and stirred with every possible little boy’s dream; from dragons to robots, and bombs on trains that can’t be defused to Nazi zombies, Sucker Punch never quite gives you a reason to care about, well, anything. Most incredulously, we’re supposed to sympathize with and relate to these young women, to whom there is supposedly ‘much more than meets the eye’ yet the film continues to convey them as items for sale. In all truthfulness, the giant, robotic cars that we all can’t wait to see return this July have been much more sincere, and they’re not even human. Besides, a hefty Transformers sequel and the upcoming Fast Five are sure to provide more than enough exploitation of women and stylized, ridiculous fighting for one summer anyway. 14-year-old boys everywhere, rejoice. Meanwhile, Snyder does manage to make everything in Sucker Punch fun to look to at, but once again, his equally exaggerated movie trailers manage to be much more compelling than the films themselves. D+